I took this post straight out of my journal that I wrote on Monday.
After more than two weeks of waiting, I finally heard back about a job I was up for. I was told I was in the top three candidates for the position, but in keeping with the reoccurring pattern of my life, I did not get the job. I’m bummed, but I’m not mad at God. If I was supposed to have it, I would have it. And I don’t have it.
It’s just one of those, “What-the-heck-was-the-point-of-that?” situations. I really don’t understand why God has us waste our time, energy and hopes on matters like that. But oh well. I don’t want to waste my time in anger. I don’t have the energy to be angry anymore. Sure, I am bummed, even quite annoyed. It hurts and it’s another major blow to my confidence.
I’ve been told, “When one door closes, another one opens.” It’s been said numerous times, and it’s been spoken quite confidentially. Like it’s scripture. The problem is that it is not scripture. It’s a nice thought, and it sounds like it could be scripture, but it isn’t. And it isn’t even true.
Do I believe that another door will open eventually? Yes. But it’s not like an immediate reaction due to the law of physics or anything. Right now I feel like a door has closed, and I am standing in the middle of a hallway full of closed doors. I thought some doors were cracked open, only to find out they were closed. Some were open just enough to let me get to them in time for them to be shut in my face. It’s frustrating. Humiliating. And just straight annoying.
I don’t know why I have to keep going through this, but it’s not my place to know, I suppose. It’s also not my place to open doors. My job is just to knock.
The problem with the phrase “When a door closes, another one opens,” is that if the closing of one door automatically generated another door’s opening, then we’d never have doors to knock on. Because you can’t knock on opened doors. And Jesus told me to knock on doors.
As I said, I do believe that eventually another door will open. And I believe it will be good. I believe I will be amazed at what God did without me even seeing it coming. But for now I know I am in a season of closed doors, so all I can do is knock and pray.
If I am knocking to the best of my ability, then I am obeying a command. Therefore, I believe that the Father is pleased with me. He’s just as pleased as he would be with me going through an open door, like getting that job. He’s more pleased in me knocking on doors than he would be with me kicking in doors where I don’t belong.
It’s a test of my character. How will I react? Through Christ, I pray I am passing.