I remember my first day going to Vanguard High School. I remember the T-shirt and Converse shoes I wore. I remember walking the halls before first period hoping to see someone I knew from the small school I had just come from. Vanguard had a round building that I somehow walked around twice while trying to find the exit. I was so excited to be there, but I really had to clue what I was doing.
I’ve come to find that the high school jitters have really never left me alone. I wake up to each new day excited, but still slightly nervous. Some days very nervous. Nervous because, if I’m honest, I really don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes it’s like I have the first day of high school on repeat. Like it’s Groundhog Day 2: Where’s Homeroom?
Do you ever feel like you’re right where you’re supposed to be but you have no clue what you’re doing? I’m coming to find that this is not such a rare condition. It’s a weird mix of comfort and confusion. It’s not necessarily an indicator that you made a mistake. It’s not a sign that you’re lost. I’d go as far as to say that it’s even biblical.
I was reading Luke 9 earlier this week. In this story, Jesus sends out around 70 of His followers to go do ministry in various towns. Verse 6 particularly stuck out to me:
“If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you.”
The Son of God said the word “if” twice in His instructions. The man who knew everything that would happen said “if.”
This same Jesus would sometimes give very specific instructions. Like, “Peter, go fish. The first fish you catch will have a coin in his mouth. Use that to pay our taxes.” And it would play out exactly like He said it would. But this time Jesus just sent them without much instruction.
I got to thinking about it, and I realized that there actually aren’t a lot of people in the Bible that got very detailed instructions from God.
Moses led over a million Israelites out of slavery straight into a wilderness with no set route. (Exodus)
David just fled into the wilderness to escape being killed. (1 Samuel)
Philip was merely told to just walk down a particular road, and he ended up meeting the right person at the right time. (Acts 8)
The Bible is full of people who have no clue what they are doing or why they are even there, but God always has a plan. And part of the plan is getting us to take a step and trust God to lead us to the next one. There’s something very biblical and right about saying, “Ok God… now what?” It forces us to trust Him daily, and that’s exactly how it should be.
Psalm 139:5 has given me a lot of comfort in the past few years.
“You go before me and you follow behind me. You place your hand of blessing on my head.”
He’s clearing out a path before we even get there, and He’s behind us fixing what we might have messed up. We’re safe on both sides. Just keep moving forward.