We’ve all heard that opposites attract. It’s catchy. The magnet example is cool with the positive and negative ends thing. We see relationships where people are very different and then we are like, “Yep, see? It’s true.”
I don’t disagree. However, I’ve come to not entirely agree either.
A few years back when I was single, I remember driving down Archer Road in Gainesville, FL and thinking about why I couldn’t seem to meet the right girl for me. I remember that place distinctly because I felt like God told me, “You are a complex guy. You were made that way. You are an intricate design full of grooves and edges, like a puzzle piece, and you can’t just be with any girl and expect her to fit with you. She has to have intricacies that fit your intricacies.”
I’m honestly not a believer in soul mates. I don’t necessarily believe that there is one person out there for each person, because the math just doesn’t add up. (I recently said this to my wife, and then she shot a death ray out of her eyes and I slept on the couch.) Still, I believe there are people who fit better for you, and match your intricacies. And they aren’t always easy to find. That’s a good thing. It means you’re not so common that any random person could be your match.
So do opposites attract? Yes, kind of. But it usually can’t be polar opposites.
Think of a teeter-totter. The farther apart the two individuals are, the greater the affect of their movements. If two people are standing on opposite ends and trying to balance, it would get much more difficult the farther apart they move away from each other.
I think that idea of balance makes a lot of sense in relationships. You need someone on the other side of the line to balance you out, but you can’t be so opposite that you are miles away from each other trying to stand steady.
To me, the best way to balance is with your shared priorities, not personalities.
We waste so much time trying to find someone who matches the grooves and edges of our personalities, but the real key is finding someone who matches your priorities.
My wife doesn’t give a rip about Florida Gator football, and I am praying that the Lord will deliver her. She will still go and watch games with friends even if we don’t share a common interest in it, but she will probably never love it the way I do.
But she wants to help others. She wants our home to have an atmosphere of love and kindness where people know they are welcomed and are important when they walk in. She wants to not live in debt. She wants to serve her community and wherever God calls us to. She wants me to do what I feel called to do and be a part of it.
See, we may not share every interest of our personalities, but we share our priorities. That’s what makes us balance. We also share many of the same interests and have fun in the same ways, but the key is that we share the priorities that drive us in life.
Every dating show is all about finding someone that fits your personality, and personality is important, but it’s not what will balance you out. If you are trying to find someone who is exactly like you, it will get boring fast.
Find someone who is opposite of you, but in the right way. You are fearfully and wonderfully made with intricate grooves and edges.