Time is running out for me to be put on any kind of 30 Under 30 list. It’s crazy to think, but I haven’t been placed on any yet. Not even nominated. I know, right? How was I overlooked?
I think I’m pretty wonderful, but the fact is, I haven’t won a single award since high school. On my resume under the Awards and Accomplishments section it just says, “Let’s not talk about me anymore. Do you think Hillary has what it takes for 2016?”
I’m steadily approaching 30. It’s coming for me as fast as regret comes to those standing in line at Moe’s. I can’t avoid it, so I’m doing my best to embrace it. I think 30 sounds pretty nice. People have to take you more seriously when you hit 30. You’ve earned it.
David was 30 when he became King of Israel. Jesus was 30 when he started going public and turning water into wine and keeping the party going. I hope people say that about me when I’m 30, “He keeps the party going.” But in reality they will say, “He left the party sometime around 9:30 because he was sleepy.”
Of course there are always the prodigies and successful young people who make you rethink everything. It’s weird being at the age where musicians, celebrities, athletes and even successful businessmen are younger than me. I see these young Disney Channel stars at 20 with more money than many small countries, meanwhile I’m over here considering canceling my Netflix account to save 10 bucks. Justin Bieber has his own jet. I’ve done nothing with my life!
Once October hits, my twenties are over. Most importantly of all, we are running out of time to give me the affirmation I so greatly
deserve desire. I’ve put together a list of potential 30 Under 30 lists I could be a part of. After that, it’s in the hands of the people.
My Potential 30 Under 30 Lists I Qualify For
- For Successfully Avoiding Jury Duty
- Top Burrito Eaters
- Most Consecutive Years with the Same Hair Cut
- Best Hand Signalers in Traffic
- The “You Go First” Award
- The “Thanks for Letting Me Over” Award
- The “Double Light-Blink At a Four Way Stop” Award
- Best at Carrying All the Groceries Inside with One Trip
- Men with the Cutest Dogs
- Most Consecutive Interviews which Led to Jack Squat
- Most Michael Scott References Quoted in Conversations
- Most Attempts at Growing Tomato Plants
- Most Ordinary Men with Inexplicably Attractive Wives
- Best Temp Agency Skills
- Most Effort Put Into a Blog With the Least Amount of People Who Give a Crap About It
- Men with Most Identity Theft Scares
- Most Unsuccessful Attempts at Getting Someone to Play Monopoly
- Most Awkward Conversations with People Standing in Line
- or Most Awkward Conversations with Cashiers and Baristas
- Most Successful Avoiders of Anything Rollerskate Related
- Best at Starting Conversations with “Remember that one time…”
- Most Time Spent in Sweatpants
- Least Amount of Interest In What You Do For A Living
- Most Attempts At Going in For A Hug When Someone Just Wants a Handshake
- Most DC Talk Songs Memorized
I know you probably expected that list to go all the way to 30, but that’s all I could come up with. I’m tired.
My hope for 30 is to be content. That’s my goal for every day. Contentedness doesn’t mean you lack ambition, it means your ambition is to find joy in every stage of life. In every circumstance. In every day.
Some people are never content and they think if they can just get one more thing it’ll happen, but then they get what they are chasing and realize they need something else. It’s a never ending cycle of need.
Life will always give you reasons to be upset and angry. But I think life also gives you reasons to be grateful. We’re becoming wired to always look for the bad in every situation. It’s a miserable way to live. A grateful spirit looks for the good, not the bad.
Gratefulness will change your life. It will change how you receive news, and it will change what you produce back into the world.
My goal is gratefulness.